31 Days of Horror Movie Reviews: #12 Curtains


Happy 12th Day of Halloween, one and all!!!!

On stage today we have the 1983 creeper, Curtains

starring Samantha Eggar, who you may recognize from Cronenberg’s, The Brood

and John Vernon, who you know from Killer Klowns from Outer Space!!!

Curtains finds Samantha Sherwood (Samantha Eggara young, dedicated actress and her director, Jonathan Stryker (John Vernon) attempting to bring to life a movie about an unstable woman, Audra.

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So committed to perfecting the role, Samantha voluntarily has herself admitted to a mental facility, so she can get a better understanding of the character.

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Abandoned by her director, Samantha eventually breaks out and crashes the private audition party Jon has set up for 6, much younger actresses!!

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Predictably, these 6 hot young ladies start to die off at the hands of a killer who wears a wicked looking old hag mask, and is sometimes aided by an even creepier doll!!

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Aside from a few cool, creep out moments, like the doll scene, and this classic…








the story lacks cohesiveness and the gore was pretty minimal for an 80’s slasher.

Overall, Curtains gets a…


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31 Days of Horror Movie Reviews: #11 Little Evil


Happy 11th Day of Halloween, one and all!!!!

Today we take a look at the perils of parenting, in 2017’s horro-medy, Little Evil.

This is Eli Craig’s 1st movie following his hit Tucker and Dale VS Evil!! 

Loving Tucker and Dale as much as I do, I had high hopes for Little Evil! Even the premise is ripe for horro-medy gold: 

Gary (Adam Scott) marries, Samantha (Evangeline Lilly), and has trouble bonding with her son, Lucas (Owen Atlas), who may or may not be the Antichrist

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Throughout our story Gary struggles with his new responsibilities as a husband, a father and potential savior of the world. All the while mom, Sam defends little Lucas even after he buries poor Gary alive!!

We get a hilarious step-dad support group meeting, a demonic goat sock puppet, and plenty of great comedic moments from Gary and his new, fellow struggling step-dad buddy, Al (Bridget Everett).

Little Evil also pays homage to some of my favorite horror movies, The Shining, Poltergeist, and it even tips its hat at the speed cut editing style of such beloved horro-medies, and Shaun of the Dead

and the Evil Dead series

Sadly some of the funniest parts are in the trailer, and the horror part of our horro-medy falls flat. Aside from those weaknesses Little Evil was still a fun watch.

Little Evil gets…



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31 Days of Horror Movie Reviews: #10 Willow Creek


Happy 10th Day of Halloween, one and all!!!!

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a Bigfoot hunt, that started in Humboldt county, and ended with some deaths!

Today we take a trip to Willow Creek,

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a 2013 handheld/found footage style film, written and directed by none other than Bobcat Goldthwait!!!

We find a young couple, Jim (Bryce Johnson), true Bigfoot believer and Kelly (Alexie Gilmore) the skeptic…

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heading off to find the spot of the original 1963 Patterson-Gimlin footage of Bigfoot

Along the way, we get to see tons of fun tourist trap spots, all featuring the big guy himself.

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Jim gets some interviews with locals telling their stories, as you’d suspect, some believe some don’t! Some warn our lovers of the dangers of going to such a secluded part of the woods.

Undeterred our lovers end up in a tent in the woods at night! 

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The movie plays out pretty predictably overall.

  1. Lovers hear strange noises in the night 
  2. Lovers get lost in woods
  3. Lovers find missing naked lady (who hasn’t been there, RIGHT??!!)
  4. Lovers end up victims of Bigfoot’s diabolical plan to steal local ladies take over the world one harry, hybrid 1/2 human baby at a time!

Maybe I’m just not as afraid of Bigfoot as I should be, but I didn’t find Willow Creek to be particularly horrific in any way. Nor do I think it added anything new or profound to the cryptozoology genre. As frightening as ones imagination can be, actually seeing a giant, harry, man eating, woman stealing beast, would have been much more frightening.

It does have a fun song in it though, and as many of you may know, I’m a sucker for a gimmicky tune!!

As much as I love the idea of Bigfoot, Willow Creek gets…


If you’re into Bigfoot movies, I’d recommend this one for you!

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31 Days of Horror Movie Reviews: #9 The Sacrament


Happy 9th Day of Halloween, one and all!!!!

Today, to honor this holy holiday of Halloween, we will take a reflective look at…

The Sacrament

The Sacrament is Ti West’s 2014 faux documentary about a religious cult, basically, it’s about the real life Jonestown Massacre of  1978.

In the past Ti West has brought you such scares as The House of the Devil (2009)

The Innkeepers (2011)

and V/H/S (2012),

The Sacrament is almost like a combination of his earlier flick, the found footage style of V/H/S, mixed with the slow tension build of The House of the Devil. Sadly this attempt fell a little short.

The Sacrament finds a Vice (a modern mixed media news source) crew, Sam (AJ Bowen), Jake (Joe Swanberg), and Patrick (Kentucker Audley),

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heading off to a remote, undisclosed area to visit Patrick’s sister, Caroline (Amy Seimetz), who is apart of a cult/community called Eden Parish.

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When we arrive to the peaceful, utopian, drug-free community, which happens to be guarded by men with semi automatic weapons, we instantly get the feeling that somethings not right here!

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Our 1st hour moves along pretty slowly. Our crew meets locals who LOVE Eden Perish, and credit it, and it’s founder “Father” with saving their lost lives. So much love and good news our once cynical news team starts to feel as though this weird, hidden, armed men guarded, totally cut off from the rest of the world community, might not be so bad as they suspected. 

This, of course, is when the shit hits the fan, and Father shows his true colors.

Next thing we know the cups of kool-aid are being handed out.

As horrifying as some of the imagery was, and as awful as the subject matter is, I still felt that The Sacrament fell short on portraying this real life tragedy accurately enough.

Even though Ti West didn’t come right out and call his movie Jonestown, we all know that’s what it’s about, and I wonder if in trying to honor the dead he went light on the horror, but to me it did those who lost their lives a disservice.

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There needed to be more on those who suffered longer and those who wanted to leave but couldn’t. I think telling those stories more could have built up a relationship between the viewer and the characters, and would have made the end mass suicide more intense and more honest.

The Sacrament ends up with…



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31 Days of Horror Movie Reviews: #8 Final Girl


Happy 8th Day of Halloween, one and all!!!!

To start our 2nd week of Halloween, let’s go on a REALLY BAD date!!! Today we discuss…

 Final Girl

This 2015 flick was directed by Tyler Shields, who is better known for his “provocative photography”, and who should really stick to just that.

This weakly sketched out story of a young girl, Veronica (Abigail Breslin) raised by total stranger, William (Wes Bentley), and trained to be a killer.

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Kind of like the movie Hanna, but not really. See, we don’t really know why William is doing this, or how the hell he came to get custody of Veronica. Her parents died so she was just up for grabs??!! 1st weirdo single guy who comes along and wants to adopt a little girl gets her????? !!!!! WTF???? Here is the 1st of many story/plot issues. 

Next, somewhere in the middle of nowheresville/small town USA, we have a group of 4 sociopaths

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who just love to hunt….

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Yep… that’s our horror movie plot. A well trained assassin teen girl versus 4 cocky teen jerks! Sounds horrific doesn’t it??!!! GEEE, I wonder how this will end??!!!

What makes this movie even more unbearable is Shields obsessive desire to try and make every scene a shot for Glamour magazine! Not beautiful like a Guillermo del Toro set…

rich and lush, full of life and textures. No Shields went for the cold, empty, flaccid look of a fashion photo shoot…

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Cute, edgy, boy band or gang of murderous maniacs???

Now this technique worked well in Neon Demon,

which wasn’t my favorite, but still the style and fashion driven aesthetic was better used, better lit, and better directed than Final Girl. Hell, it even had more of a story line and character development.

Final Girl, was so heavily back lit, I felt I was watching an 80’s hair metal/power ballad video …

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See what I mean??? Lots of back-lighting, tons of fog. Wheres that light source even coming from you may ask yourself? 

Why the hell are there Panda head dudes?

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Yep, same movie here!! Now there’s scary furries??!!! 

I could go on and on!!!!


I was so mad this film even got made!!! $8 million dollars…

If I ever meet the backers of this I’m going to make them pay me back for wasting my time!!

Final Girl was trying to be an artsy horror film, and ended up being a crappy ad campaign for angsty teen suits!!!

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You can literally see, many of Shields “horror movie ideas” played out in his photography…

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It should come as no shock, I would NOT recommend wasting your time with this one…

Final Girl gets…





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31 Days of Horror Movie Reviews: #7 Beyond the Gates


Happy 7th Day of Halloween, one and all!!!!

Today we will travel…

Beyond the Gates!!!

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Just look at that poster, it screams…


Beyond the Gates,

is a horror nerds homage to Jumanji, and Zathura!! Directed by Jackson Stewart, and starring horror icon, Barbara Crampton, as our killer game’s hostess!!

An unsuspecting trio,

comprised of brothers, John (Chase Williamson) and Gordon Hardesty  (Graham Skipper) and along with Gordon’s girlfriend, Margot (Bea Grant), have come to clean out the family video store dad ran back in the 80’s!! 

We come to find out dad has been missing for 7 months, but he has a habit of disappearing, as many drunks do.

Upon surfing through the mountain of VHS tapes, the brothers come across an old school horror themed video game in their dad’s office, the game you may ask???…

Like we’ve seen in the non-horror precursors, they innocently get swept up in playing that game, only to find out, all too late that it’s no mere game at all. At risk? Their souls, and the soul of their father!!

The game and the movie play out pretty predictably, again, we’ve seen this story line before. But, in this lovely version we get a whole lot more blood, guts, and delightfully gruesome, gore gags!!!

All of which were pleasantly practical, and for that I say…

Despite the predictability, I found myself having the best time watching this flick. It was campy, fun, full of fog, and 80’s-esque lighting, everything a horror geek like myself could want. My only complaint is that is could have been even cheesier!!!

I think if they had turned up the camp, and added a bit more humor to it I would have been over the top in love with it. As it stands…

Beyond the Gates gets…



It’s well worth the watch for the fabulously 80’s feel of it, along with its clever take on a classic plot! Now if I could just get my hands on one of those games!!!!


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31 Days of Horror Movie Reviews: #6 Honeymoon


Happy 6th Day of Halloween, one and all!!!!

Today we spend some quality time with a 2014 independent horror flick, Honeymoon,

directed by Leigh Janiak.

Honeymoon, finds our newlyweds, Bea, played by Rose Leslie and Paul, played by Harry Treadaway,

out in a secluded family lake house. Predictably things do not go so smoothly for our lovers. 

We 1st get an awkward run in with an ex-lover and then a mysterious midnight outing by Bea.

Bea suddenly isn’t herself anymore, and Paul is set with the task of figuring out whats wrong with his little honey Bea!

The movie was a way too predictable for me, and was more of a watered down sci-fi, thriller rather than a horror flick, which is what I expected and wanted.

It did have a few brief moments of horror, a self mutilation scene and just some creepy body horror. Sadly…

the best, more horrific moment in the movie is the ending…

I can understand how some found this movie refreshing. It’s take on a classic motif, of a trusted partner/lover, slowly becoming something you don’t recognize. Better examples of this idea would be Rosemary’s Baby, The Shining, even Slither hits on this same story line. In contrast, Honeymoon, turns the usually victimized female into the threat.

As much as I can applaud that twist, Honeymoon, just didn’t have that same build of tension, needed in this type of movie to really have me on the edge of my seat.

Bea actually ends up being more of a victim herself,

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and in doing so isn’t threatening at all!!

Honeymoon ends up with…



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